Children steal for a variety reasons. Some steal for comfort,
others to impress a group of friends, get back at their parents,
or to get the things they want. Sometimes they steal just
because it is exciting. Probably as many as one in four children
have deliberately stolen something at some time. Most, of
course, never do it again. But those who do, do so for one
reason: it works. Whatever their core need: attention, money, or
excitement, the stealing provides it for them.
Sometimes, the excitement generated by stealing is motivation
enough. As many as one in four kids have stolen something -
although most will never do it again.
Along with this, your main emphasis needs to be on promoting
honesty. Use everyday events, such as stories from television or
school, as a starting point for talking about honesty,
integrity, and family morals.
The best way to prevent stealing from happening is to find
another way to meet their needs. Once their needs are met, they
won't have to continue stealing.
Then watch your children. Not to catch them out, but to catch
them being good. Reward and praise the little acts of honesty
that you see. All of this promotes a culture of honesty in the
home.
In the unfortunate event that you do catch them stealing
something, don't overreact. Don't let them lie about it, but
also don't reward their attention seeking with a display of
temper.
Keep your eyes on your children. Catch them in the act of being
good instead of focusing on when they are doing something wrong.
Children respond to reward and praise for their little acts of
honesty. This helps promote a culture of honesty in the home.
Give the stolen goods back to the owner, with the additional
compensation and a heartfelt apology.
If taken from a stranger, confiscate the goods (perhaps hand
them in at the police station) and impose a fine.
Bring the item back to the manager of the shop, school child, or
teacher, along with some compensation and an apology.
Ask the victim to tell you what kind of service your child could
perform. If you don't know the victim, then a friend, family
member or neighbor could be the beneficiary.
Taking the stolen property back is his opportunity to do the
right thing. If refuses, you then have no alternative but to
impose an even higher penalty. The message must always be that
doing the honest thing, even if it is after the event, is still
the best policy.
Just as jail isn't a deterrent to a real criminal, grounding
your child most likely won't cause him to change the behavior.
Finally, once it is over, get over it. Get back into reward
mode, look for the things your child is doing right, not wrong,
and work hard at reinforcing honesty. It is the stealing that is
the enemy, not your child.
--o0o--
Dr. Noel Swanson, Consultant Child Psychiatrist and author of
The GOOD CHILD Guide, specializes in children's behavioural
difficulties and writes a free newsletter for parents. He can be
contacted through his website:
www.good-child-guide.com. This
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